I'm the Squirrel King

In my role as the Squirrel King, I often am forced to dispense justice to my subjects.



This is Nibbles. I had to remind him to keep his paws off the Royal Nuts.

I'm on Letterman

Every time I do something big, like fathering a classic animated character or letting a guilty famous person go free, I am asked to do the talk show circuit; Letterman, Leno, Oprah, Conan and so on. (I've steadfastly refused to do the 'Tony Danza Show.') It's always a little been a little bit of a drag, but the people want to hear what I have to say.



It's always a little awkward when I do Regis & Kelly because she and I had kind of a 'thing' back when she was on 'All My Children.'

I'm the Missing Link

I don't like to show myself often. Scientists, theorists, and religious zealots would fly off the handle. The plain and simple truth is, well, I exist.













And yes, I still enjoy flinging my poo.

I'm a Playwright

In Elizabethan England, though I published my work under a pseudonym, I was known as a master of the dramatic arts.



I was also a fan of shirts with huuuuuge collars.

I'm the Center of the Universe

Well, not the universe, but a universe.


Ok, it's really just a nebula. Don't tell my mom.

I'm an Entrepreneur

On April 16, 1984, I was on the cover of TIME magizine as the entrepreneur and CEO of a small computer software company.

Currently I am taking over the world with Howard Schultz...

I'm a Mayor

In 2005, the good people of New York reelected me mayor.



After safely shepherding the city through attacks by dinosaurs, giant apes and killer robots, it really was the least they could do.

I'm a Big Fan

When I went to the NLCS Game 6 in 2003, I was able to keep the Curse of the Goat alive.



Cubs fans are whiners anyway.

I'm a Balla

I remember when I left high school for the NBA. Everyone thought I was going to be the next Magic Johnson or Michael Jordan. But I was so much better. Check this out:

I reverse-jammed this ball without even looking at the basket. I made that guy look totally stupid.	Reporters always want to talk to me. Sometimes, I try to run away, but they chase me. That day, I ended up having to club Jim Gray over the head with his own microphone because he wouldn't let go of my leg.	You know, I often amaze myself with my mad skills.

I'm a Stag

I am Bambi's dad.


That little autistic bastard creeps me out.